none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Nicole vs. Life
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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