her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
well you can't waste a boner
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
