Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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