You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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