I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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