You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
