hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
