First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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