No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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