this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
