U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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