i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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