My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
