Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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