Can Purell be used as lube?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
