Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
