we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
