She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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