im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i've created a new STD.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
