she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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