i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
