I wish I only lived at night.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
These tits shall not be calmed
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
