He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
