Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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