Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Randomize
