I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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