So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
