my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
