but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
