My room smells like vodka and shame
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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