There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
