I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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