Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
