I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
