you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
