woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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