I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize