and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
