Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
