Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
