i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
