We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
