so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
