I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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