omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
