it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
