Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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