as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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