He asked to "fluff my boner.."
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
