I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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