you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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