after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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