so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
