So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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