dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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