I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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