If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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