i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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