remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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