we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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