her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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