imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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