I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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